Saddest day

Dear Addie,

Today, a very sad thing happened. A man went into an elementary school with guns and shot people. He shot kids. And those kids died because of what he did. Twenty kids died. Six adults died too.

Twenty mommies and twenty daddies are crying because they lost their babies- their loves, their joy, and what brings such amazing happiness. And an entire nation, maybe an entire world of mommies and daddies and brothers and sisters is crying, because its not fair. It's just not fair that those kids were struck with fear and pain before they died. It's not fair that they didn't get to say goodbye to their mommies and daddies. They could barely tie their shoes, and they died.

I'm so sad because I imagined how scared the poor kids must have felt, and the pain they felt, and how terrible it was that they died without their mommy or daddy to hold them and make the fear go away. My heart hurts and I feel sick for the mommies and daddies and brothers and sisters who lost a baby, a best friend, and the center of their world and life.

And the whole situation strikes fear somewhere in me, because it could have happened to us. And it scares me to think that anything in this world could take you away from me. You are my precious sweet angel.

The saddest thing in the world is when a child dies. And today 20 died. I cried. Because it's not fair, and it's heartbreaking.

I was so thankful to be able to hug you when I got home. You are the center of my world, and I can't imagine my world without you.

I love you, forever and ever and ever.

-Mama

PS: you said the word "cat" today an meant it :)

Glad you're here

Dear Addie,

Today I am extra thankful for you. This morning one of my former coworkers was killed in a car accident. He wasn't all that old, and he had a younger son.

I cried and felt sad because that little boy will grow up without daddy- a daddy who loved him dearly, and that is sad. So I cried.

He was a good guy- passionate about work and his kids. He was patient and humble, and a real pleasure to work with.

So I was sad, but you hugged me and have me kisses, and that was super sweet and helped me feel happy.

I love you, and I hope and pray that I am here on this earth for you for a long time.

Love you,
Mama

Naked baby!

Dear Addie,

I just chased you around the house. I am now out of breath, and, much to your chagrin, you are finally wearing a diaper.

You laughed all over yourself and it was precious :).

Love you!
Mama

Ball!

Dear Addie,

I'm not sure why exactly, but you are already a football fan! Even last year about this time, before you even knew what your hands were, you would sit in daddy's lap and watch football with him. And now, you steal the remote and turn it to football (well, maybe you got lucky with the random buttons you were pushing). And when football is on TV, you couldn't be more excited. You jump up and yell, "ball!!" And you have a big goofy grin on your face.

You have a little baby sized football you like to carry around, and you throw it at daddy or your brother. You know to throw both your hands in the air when someone yells, "touchdown!"

I'm glad that you like football- you and daddy will be best football buddies :). Owen too! Can't wait to take you to your first game :)

Love you,
Mama

Socks!

Dear Addie,

Today you giggled when I put your socks on. It was adorable!

Also you took an awesome nap. You should continue with this nap thing...

Love you!
Mama

Shoes?

Dear Addie,

Today, you said the word shoes. For Ms. April, of course, or ms "ah-pooh" as you call her.

I fear for my bank account- you have your daddy's taste in shoes! You've had a thing for shoes ever since we got you your first real pair in Germany. Cute little things- purple canvas that velcros across, with a little elephants embroidered on them.

Don't worry, I will be keeping those forever, so one day when you come home and tell me you have a little one on the way, I can pull out all of the shoes and dry-rot diaper covers for you. I will reminisce about when you giggled about socks, and you will roll your eyes at me. But then, about a year later, your child will giggle at you, and bring you the most joy you have ever experienced in your entire life.

While I hope to help make your childhood awesome, nothing of my childhood or young adulthood compares with the pure joy I have experienced as a mom.

Hey mom-- I get it now.

Love you,
Mama

Vegan!

Hi Addie,

So you may someday ask us about the time we decided to go vegan.

While I'm enjoying this vegan thing now (like a whole lot), I don't expect your dad to stick with it forever.  Actually I don't expect to stick with it forever, as I miss cheese and baking with eggs and butter too much.  The no meat thing doesn't bother me as much, though...

Nonetheless, I was inspired to go vegan so I could get healthy.

I realized that in order to raise a girl who intrinsically values herself and her health over her appearance, I have to be a role model for that behavior.  So how do we get healthy?  We opted to go vegan... but not just any vegan, it's a whole-foods, low fat diet.  Nothing that comes out of a cardboard box, whole grains, lots of veggies, fruit, beans, peas, legumes, nuts... if it grew out of the ground, we have eaten it.

And you seem to like it!  You're eating lots of veggies, and you have a healthy little toddler glow about you.

More importantly you're healthy, inside and out.  I feel good about the foods I'm feeding you because they're fresh, healthy, and won't cause your arteries to clog prematurely.  I still make sure you get plenty of mama-milk for the good fats, and I do still give you and Owen cheese.  But it's the exception, not the rule.

I vow not to pinch my fat rolls anymore, because I don't want you to pinch yours (well, I'll try my best anyway).  I vow to be confident in my own self, without worrying about what others may say about my appearance, dress, makeup (or rather the lack of makeup), or choices.

And it starts with this- abstaining from things that simply aren't healthy.  Rejoicing in the amazing flavors and taste combinations that exist naturally, without being refined.  Who knew that frozen peaches could create such a divine dessert?  Who knew that red beans and rice doesn't require sausage to get creamy and delicious (it takes 20 hrs in a slow cooker, but OMG amazing).

I hope to give this knowledge and lifestyle to you, because I don't want you to rely on boxed convenience foods.  I want you to enjoy an apple, banana, or even some kale chips :).

I want to give you the gift of health, starting at a young age, so you are set up to best do whatever it is that you are going to do with your life.

Love you my girl,
Mama

PS: You SOOO didn't want to get up this morning.  Until you saw your brother, then you were all smiles :)

Books Anyone

Dear Addie,

Over the past few days you have been so very interested in books.  It seems that your other toys don't matter at all to you- all you want to do is read books.  Your favorite right now is "The Very Hungry Caterpillar," followed closely by "In the Jungle" and "On the Farm" where mommy and daddy get to make funny animal noises and you smile and laugh at us.

I'm amazed at how you are excited each time with the beautiful butterfly at the end of TVHC, and the adorable face you make when you "MOOO" like a cow on the farm.  EVERY TIME you're excited!  Even if it's the 20th time in a row that we have read a book, you smile at the butterfly.

Your excitement is invigorating and inspiring.  It reminds me how much I like to read books, and also how much I miss reading my own books.

We took you to the bookstore yesterday and you literally ran down the aisles yelling "books! Books!" you were in heaven.  And EVERYONE looked at you as you ran through the store yelling...

You're awesome.

Love you!
Mommy

Cheerleader What?

Dear Adelaide,

I have decided that you will NOT be dressed up as a cheerleader this halloween...

See, your brother decided that he wants to go out trick-or-treating as a Raven's football player.  Costume is ordered (yes, we are not so big on the hand-made stuff right now.  Mommy can't sew). 

Then the question became, "what should Addie be for Halloween?"

Your dad said, "A cheerleader." 

I flipped.  My daughter will not dress in a skanky cheerleader costume. 

But then, of course, I had to look some up.  They're completely adorable, and not terribly skanky. 

And while I could definitely see you in such an adorable little costume, I can't bring myself to put you in it for Halloween. 

You're not exactly the daintiest of children.  You're more like a tank.  Nothing gets in your way, and when you don't get what you want, you push harder or scream and let the entire world know that you're angry. 

Cheerleader?  I have a difficult time assigning that gender role to you just yet.  You're more like the tough-girl football player.  I could dress you up as the world's biggest football fan- you're more the jersey-wearing type than the cheerleader type. You'd look good with a toddler-size jersey, some eye black, and a football. 

Or perhaps my perception of cheerleaders is off.  Maybe I was scarred emotionally by the fact that I was never cheerleader material.  I never had the self confidence to pull it off, and I had a mother who was anti-cheerleader.  But do I project that on to you?  What if you like cheerleading?  What if you, God forbid, take an interest in it?  Will you hate me forever for not having adorable baby pictures of you in a cheerleading uniform?

I'm certain that I'm over-thinking this. 

I just want you to figure out who you are on your own, and not buy into all the stuff that HAS to be a certain way because "society says so."  That's really the reason that I am against the cheerleader costume.


Who knew parenting would be so difficult...

Love ya kiddo,
Mom

Your name!!

You said your name!!! Aaaa-deee!
It's precious! Love you so much!!!

Jazzy

Hey Addie,

Daddy and mommy are out on a date night tonight. I miss you! But I know you're having a blast with grandma!

We are listening to some jazz music (live of course- no need for that canned stuff), and drinking some wine. Yknow what I love about jazz musicians? Their passion and fearlessness. They are so comfortable with who they are, and their own style- it doesn't matter what anyone thinks and that's what is sooo awesome about them.

I wish this quality upon you. I hope you never worry about what other people think about you, your style, or anything else about you. You are perfect just the way you are, and that's inspiring on its own. So keep being you, Addie- awesome and amazing.

Love,
Mama

When we found out about you.

Dear Addie,

I remember the day that we found out you were coming into this world.  It was around the first of December, 2010.  Daddy and I had been wishing for you for a little while, and I had a feeling that you might be growing inside me. 

Daddy and I wanted to find out together, so I went and took the test, but covered up the little window so I couldn't see it.  Then we cuddled up together and looked at it...

So... you were on your way!  I remember feeling my face go flushed, my heart started racing, and I felt excited and nervous at the same time.  Would you be a boy?  A girl?  How was I going to tell my mom that she was about to be a grandma? Actually, that one was easy- I sent the picture above to her phone.  She was in Costco, conveniently standing next to the baby clothes! She was so excited- she called right away!  Then I sent the photo to Grandpa, and Aunt Katie.  Grandpa said, "Great, what have you gotten yourselves into."  Always the downer... thanks Dad...

We went out that night to celebrate.  We had been scheduled for a wine dinner (of all things!!).  So I had to severely limit my wine (just a sip!) but enjoyed the food.  Dad bought a few bottles of the good stuff so I could try it after you got here.  

So that's how we found out you were on your way!

Love you,

Mama

Dear Addie,

I've had the idea for this blog for a while now... like since before you were born.  I've finally started it! 

This blog is for you, my sweet girl with the curly blonde hair, big blue eyes, and amazing little personality. 

I want you to know about your babyhood, toddlerhood, childhood... and how I felt about it. 

So one day, when you have your own kids (if you choose to), you may find it helpful. 

Or you can just laugh at your mother.  Either way.  I've laughed at you plenty ;).

Love you,
Mama