Dear Addie,
It's been a while since I have written here. I guess I haven't felt so compelled because I've gotten to spend more time with you. You turned 3 at the end of last month. I can't believe you're 3!! I tried my hand at making a cake. It was something I always wanted to do. But more importantly it was something I wanted to do for you to make your day special. You probably didn't appreciate the time I put into it. I know you enjoyed eating it though! I made it strawberry, because everything has to be pink for you. It was a frozen themed cake, and we cut out snowflakes to put on. I found a cheap, and probably slightly toxic set of characters to put on top, courtesy of a sketchy Chinese website.
Right after you turned 3, you started preschool. We found a great little Montessori school for you that we can actually afford. And you go 5 days a week. You were scared at first- timid I guess. The first day there you cried. And you told me, "mommy, I cried today." And I told you that it would be OK, but inside I cried too. And outside, I cried- I waited until you went to bed. And I just cried. Not because you were so sad, but because you are big enough to start school, and big enough to tell me, in complete sentences, that you cried about it.
You adjusted quickly, though. Day 2 you were still timid. By day 3, you gave me a long hug and then let go. And day 4 you walked right in there without so much as a goodbye and had a big smile on your face.
We are finishing up on the end of your third week, and we have a nice routine worked out. Your school is actually an adorably restored old house, with a porch. So we hug tight on the porch, and I tell you to have a good day, and that I love you. And then we open the doors up and you walk right in. This morning you didn't even acknowledge my last, "have a good day sweetheart!" You walked in, and did whatever it is that you do in the mornings.
Addie-girl, I'm amazed at how you've grown. I'm amazed at your confidence in yourself. NEVER LOSE IT. You have no reason to. You looked in the mirror this morning after I had combed your hair into a messy ponytail and said, "Oh I'm so beautiful!" and smiled. You are. And you always will be.
Before I was a mom, I had heard the term bittersweet, and thought it associated with things like graduations, or ends of school years. But bittersweet is a word for parenthood. Each day that passes is bittersweet. I watch you grow and learn new things each day, and I watch you grow into the amazing little girl that you've become. But I miss nursing you endlessly, rocking you to sleep, wearing you around in the carrier, and generally have you needing me physically.
OK, in all honesty, I love that you sleep all night. Best change ever. We are BOTH in better moods these days! But just about everything else I miss.
You have transitioned from needing me for physical support (nursing, diapers, picking you up and carrying you places) to needing encouragement, motivation, and emotional support. Change is hard- bear with me while I learn how to best help you. And give me some hugs when you see me all teary-eyed.
Addie- you have a beautiful heart, a wonderful, fiery personality, and amazing self confidence and determination. Part of me can't wait to see how you grow and change, and to meet the person you are as an adult. But the rest of me would love for time to stop so I can spend more time enjoying the little girl I have right now.
Love you my girl!
Mama
