Female Sexuality (to put it bluntly)

Dear Addie,

I just read this article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joyce-mcfadden/female-sexuality_b_2611596.html.

By the time you get to reading this, I'm sure that link will be dead, so here's what it said:  girls are bombarded on a regular basis with messages that are sexual in nature.  They are also bombarded with images, video, advertisements, and other media that promote unhealthy body image.  These items leave girls asking questions about their own beauty, sexuality, and physical image.

And unfortunately we, as parents, do a poor job of providing a safety net for you- of somewhere you can go and feel comfortable about asking questions about your body, sex, and sexual issues.

Mostly we don't want to think about our babies growing up and being sexual creatures.  And I think that's actually where the problem begins.  It's hard for me to look at you right now and think of you as sexual... but we all are from the day we identify with a gender (which happens before you can talk!! and I'm pretty sure you've recognized your gender).  See the problem is we have all been brought up in the leftovers of the victorian era, where we don't talk about sex or sexuality, and clearly defined expectations for our physical presentation were established.

So, as with most things, I want to do a better job for you than was done for me.  I can't guarantee that it will be perfect, because it is still uncomfortable for me.  But discomfort doesn't mean I can't do it.  It just means it will be awkward for a while.  I will be awkward for a while.

Here's what I'm going to do to try to set you up for a better experience:

1. I will use the proper words for your "girl parts" (OK OK!  It's "vulva.")
2. I will do everything in my power and ability to be a role model for you for healthy lifestyle.  I have been working on this one for a while, and I falter on a regular basis.  But I've made progress!  I ran 3 miles yesterday!  That's the best I've ever done!  And I'm proud of it!  I will keep setting goals for myself fitness-wise so that you can see how to do it.  
3. I will not pinch my belly or make faces in the mirror anymore.  And I will not comment on the outward appearance of others in a negative fashion.  Not only is it rude and inappropriate, but it sends YOU the wrong message.  
4. I will set the example (see 2 and 3).  I can't be the "do as I say not as I do" mom.  I grew up with a mom who constantly wanted to lose ten pounds, who battled with weight, and a dad who commented on her appearance.  It's how they were brought up.  But rather than bring you up "how I was brought up,"  I will change.  Because it's better for you.  And I know I can do it.  

One part of the article says that sex education should begin at 18 mos.  I guess that means it starts with giving you the proper vocabulary when you look down there at your vulva and try to figure out what its there for.  So... I guess it's off to task #1 for me... 

Love you so much my sweet little girl,

- Mama